What are we running from?

     Being alone is something that everyone has always seemed to run from. It's almost as if people consider it a curse, perhaps even a state of torture. And one of the last things on Earth they would ever want to be.

Think back to the black and white films/sitcoms, The perfect woman was the woman who had a husband she was more than obedient to. She managed to have flawless porcelain skin with the Betty Flintstone hair do. And you cant forget the June Cleaver styled dresses topped with an apron, of course because she had spent the entire day cooking a meal for her family... That was what they painted the ideal woman to be; The woman we should all aspire to become, and look up to in admiration.

      However, if I'm recalling correctly, and I do believe that I am, occasionally, in these films/sitcoms, there would be a woman portrayed as the cursed “odd ball”, all because she was in her late twenties and had no husband. She was 'lonely', and that was unspeakably bad. Being like her was something looked down upon, and even something well enough worthy to be pitied... I cant help but to wonder...Why is that?

      Obviously that ideal of the perfect woman has been thrown out, stomped on, and burned alive, long ago. But, why is it that even today in movies, the person who is alone is portrayed to be miserable, hopeless and in desperate need for a man to come sweep her off her feet? Or, if that's not the case, they portray the single woman to be so barried in her work that she doesn't even know how to spell the word “man”, and is too stubborn or scared to see love if it were to look her straight in the eyes and hand her a cup of coffee.

        Are there any NORMAL, happy, single people out there? Is there such thing as enjoying you're life in the present, and trusting that the right one will come alone at the right time? And I'm honestly not trying to be sarcastic, and trying to act as if I'm on some high horse, and like I'm all self assured or whatever. Because, I'm not. I'm just curious. Is having a partner part of everyone's destiny? Can we not be complete with just ourselves?

I myself, have noticed that every girl that I talk to, HAS to have a boyfriend at all times. It's just unfathomable for them to even consider being without one for a while. They set no standards, have no real preferences, and put up with total and complete idiotic, immature behavior, all so they can say they're in a relationship. It's as though they would rather be miserable with someone, than to be alone by themselves. To me it's like they're saying going through hell with some man, is better than being single. I can't help but to believe that there has to be some type of meaning behind this.. are any of you with me ?

      Every single girl I talk to, myself included, sits and dreams of what “the one” will be like. We talk about it with other girls, daydream about it some nights before we fall asleep, randomly ponder it while doing some odd job around the house...Will he be tall? How big will his hands be? ..how will we meet? What will our babies look like? And oh my God..OUR WEDDING....ugh. It's never ending. Am I right ladies, or am I right?

One of my many, many questions is, does it not seem like we have already have our minds set that we can't have full happiness until we follow the yellow brick road to meet some man, and live happily ever after?

That's not to say we're depressed now, or even sad. But it is to say that maybe, just maybe, we're not in any way living to our fullest potential, and not being nearly as 'present' as we should be forcing ourselves to be, because there's a part of us “depending on the future”, sort of speak.

          Are you following me? If not, here's an example. When I was a Freshman in high school, I never took a moment to really sit there and absorb how happy I really was. I never took a moment to think “I'm living in the best time of my life right now” Because to be totally honest, I didn't realize that, not even in the slightest way. During that time It was like I was facing life with a hesitated smile, because in my heart I was thinking “Yea, life's okay now, but I know its going to be so much better when I'm older. Then, I will really get to live, Then, I will really have the time of my life.” It was like I didn't even appreciate my present because I thought my future was promised to me, when in reality, nobody has a promised future. I found this out when my sophomore year rolled around, a month after I won homecoming, I fell and I broke my spine, neck and ribs. So, I finished out my high school years on home bound, recovering from that injury.

             Yes I can walk normal now, thank God. And yes I really believe one day I will be pain free. But my point is, so many of us think the way that I did. We think “Yeah, living life single is alright, but I'm not really intending on soaking up everything life has to offer me right now because I know that one day, I'll have a man by my side and I can then get to experience it all with him.”

    Quick tip:Please don't ever think that way. Make your self stop if you do. Take it from me, I out of all people know, nothing is ever promised. That's not me saying you wont find a man in the future, that's just me saying, take advantage of what you got now. Take life and run with it. Do everything there is to do. Don't ever hold yourself back in the present with the thought that you'll just do it in the future, because, like I said. The future is promised to absolutely no one.

    Anyways, back on topic...My main question that I have taken so long to get to is, why do we try so hard to run from being alone?

I've read somewhere that, being alone is the presence of ones self. Therefore, are we all running from being with ourselves, because we're afraid to face who we really are?

       I think we're running from being with ourselves, and running TO other people, so we can then focus on them, their likings, their flaws, and everything about THEM; which gives us less time to have to remind ourselves of our own... Not only that, but it's also like we subconsciously believe that because someone is with us, we must not need to do any inward looking, or work on ourselves at all because, after all "I must be okay if someone can stand to put up with me." Do you see where I'm going?

        After thinking about this blog, and actually typing it all out, I'm coming to the conclusion that we all take ourselves for granted. We don't appreciate ourselves at all. We don't even consider ourselves worthy of spending time with or even getting to know. Yes, we want other people to think we're worthy of all that, and we would even get offended if they said they didn’t.. But, yet us as individuals, still do not want anything to do with ourselves.

Why? I really think its because we are scared to do death to face our own demons. We are scared to death to realize our imperfections, and what we need to work on in order to be a better person in general.

I always thought that line "You have to love yourself in order for someone else to be able to love you" was really cheesy and untrue. But now, I'm beginning to wonder if its the truth if anything ever was.

Because, why SHOULD anyone love you, if you don’t love yourself? How could they, even?

        My wish for everyone is to stop accepting the fact that you are accepting less as though its okay and normal to do so. It may be common, but they are plenty of trends out there that are far from right. My hope for everyone, myself included is, for us to start working on the relationship we have with ourselve. Be our own best friend. Have our own back. Set our standards high, and realize its okay to have preferences. We don't just have to accept some dead beat guy that refuses to get a job, cheats and lies, and still lives with his parents at the age of 29, all because we're lonely and would like affection.

          Love and respect your own self, first. Keep at it. Learn to actually LIKE yourself. Take time out for yourself to have some kind of “me” time. Weather it's just lighting some candles, taking a bubble bath, and sitting there and reflecting upon nobody but you. Admire your good traits, and look at your flaws as a work in progress.

You are beautiful. You are unique, and you are brilliant. Tell yourself that, each and every single day. Even if you don't believe it at first. Speak it out loud everyday. Eventually, you will start to believe.

Ps. Please don't think I'm suggesting to be selfish, or to be in denial about wanting a partner. I'm just saying, don't run from yourself. Don't consider being alone as a curse. Consider it to be time to get to know yourself better, so you will have more to  offer to not only  the world, but to your soul mate when its time for her/him to come around. Only complete halves can make a whole. Therefore, I think we should spend our time making sure we are complete as individuals. Then set out to find another individual who is just as complete as we are. :)

• Does anyone have any other ideas on why we run from being alone?
• Has loneliness taught any of you anything?
• Do you agree or beg to differ with me? Why or why not
• Be sure and let me know! :)

Happy New Years Eve!

-Kayla Kabree